My Dearest People:

Today, I am not going to scrutinize one racial stereotype. I am going to scrutinize TWO.  Over the decades, Black people are often late to arrive, not having even RSVP’d. Forgive me, in advance; I am about to sermonize.

Education among Black people across ages and backgrounds has reached an all-time high and, socially, we are killing it with our manners. Yet, too many of us are late to RSVP to any event and we are all too often the late-comer guests.

I get cantankerous over the lack of care people take with  these two social behaviors. Bridal showers, weddings, graduations, baby showers, birthdays, picnics, reunions, etc.  Why can’t Black people RSVP properly? And we are so consistently late that CPT (Colored People’s Time) has progressed from being a joke to being the norm. As my grandmother would say, “Why, i’sa sin!”

I’m not alone in my disappointment. Many have speculated about the roots of these ways. They say the memories of our African beginnings and enslavement still lurk in our DNA.  Some say that our hesitancy to RSVP lies in being a communal, spontaneous tribe where all were invited and there was no need to RSVP, while others say that our deep-seated lateness comes from enslavement when we had no control over our time and when lingering became a defiant way to postpone a task. Perhaps there’s a touch of truth in all of it. While it’s good to know our history, it’s time to move on to better outcomes.

With RSVPing, it’s not like it’s so hard. And there are consequences for not RSVPing. The hosts won’t have adequate food, drinks, favors, etc. for the entire crowd. The honorees can feel slighted and people can waste money and effort if you’re a no-show. Worse yet…we show up late with uninvited guests in tow or complain about running short on the “good liquor.”

So, you misplaced the original invite or the email that sent it? Call the host or get the details from the friend who’s excited about attending. If you are able to attend, RSVP immediately,  then add it to your calendar. If an emergency arises at the last minute, leave a voice message for the host a few days before the event with your regrets; follow up with a card or note later.

With arriving late, get over yourself. If you are convinced that you make the party rock, show up (on time) and show out. A late arrival is just that…the party goes on with or without you…so get there to enjoy the best moments. Like to stay late? That’s fine…just be prepared to tidy up and help make breakfast.   

RSVPing and arriving on time is simply a matter of R-E-S-P-E-C-T.  Respect for the hosts (and honorees) and also self-respect in honoring an invitation. Let’s also honor our ancestors by breaking this multi-generational pattern.

Maya Angelou said: “When you know better, you do better.”  Let’s do better, Fam!