I can still hear my momma’s voice whenever I lost my mind and behaved in an uncouth manner: “Girl, don’t act like you were raised by wolves.” If she really wanted to wound me deeply, she would modify her words, turning it into a sarcastic question: “Who raised you?… Gorillas?” 

I figured my mother had fashioned the sentence herself, but I later discovered that the idiom was used by other mothers with their young’uns, altered based on a mother’s preference:  Were you raised in a barn? By hooligans? In a zoo? On the moon?

The sentence questioned someone’s manners, inferring that they were acting in a wild, uncivilized, or socially unfit manner. It suggested that the person lacked the basic social norms learned in a human upbringing, hence the animal references.

This criticism could be used for any inappropriate behavior, but, in my case, it applied especially to entertaining guests in our home.  My momma wanted our guests to feel welcomed and safe. It didn’t matter if the “guest” was a bill collector, a close friend, or a stranger. “Please make yourself at home,” she would say. “May I get you something?”

So, no wonder I was shocked when our current president (and his vice president) treated Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky so poorly when Zelensky visited them in the White House. Yes, the topics were contentious, but many Americans were taken aback by his aggressive behavior. It was also a form of bullying.

Citing my friend and Miami Herald writer Bea Hines who wrote, “I would like to believe the mothers of Mr. Trump and Mr. Vance would be both ashamed of and appalled by their sons during that meeting. I want to think they would have given them a good tongue lashing for the ungentlemanly way they behaved toward a guest of this country.” Americans (and even some countries) were embarrassed for the United States by the mean-spirited exchange.

These days, manners and respect toward others seem to be melting away – from the White House to dinner parties and places in between. Public criticism, once camouflaged by ambiguous adjectives, now seems to lack civility between parties. Bold and brazen have replaced gentle and kind. Boorish is the operative word.

But, not for us, gentle folks. We weren’t raised by wolves but by kind, God-fearing people who wanted us to live lives without the indignities they had faced.  Donny Hathaway reminded us in a song: “Don’t they have no shame?”

There’s something about entertaining people in your home that speaks to a higher level of civility. After all, you have to live, eat and sleep within those walls. Call it generating bad karma or killing the spiritual vibe of your personal surroundings, but we can not have it.

When it comes to entertaining people in your own home or at events you host, I suggest we ignore the current demeanor of others. You need to honor yourself, your family, your ancestors, your guests, for whatever time they share your personal space. It’s a form of freedom that we control.

Just because others don’t adhere to good, basic manners doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. Your momma didn’t raise you like that.

Jacqui Love Thornell is a native Miamian and retired corporate executive. With “help shape a better world” as her mantra, Thornell writes to tackle the awkward situations readers face in a world where technology, social media, gender definitions, and cultural lifestyle differences drive behavior. New-age etiquette strives to rise above the fray of rudeness, haters, and negativity to attain human encounters that are civil and thoughtful.